I’m 14 but my mom still takes me to a dentist for Kids in Auburn. I am trans and use the pronouns he/him and they/them. I came out at the end of last school year. Telling the school was scary but the principal talked to everyone and promised that teachers would use our chosen names and correct pronouns. My friend came out at the same time too so that helped.

Anyway, I’m supposed to see the dentist during fall break and I’m not sure what to do or say. I don’t want them to use my deadname but telling them is terrifying. What if they refuse? Or say something? Or kick me out?

Yes, my mom knows, but she doesn’t say much about it and I’m afraid to ask her to tell them too. What do I do?

-T.

 

Dear T.,

First off, it was very brave and mature of you to write this letter! You got this!

Talk to Your Mom Again

You were probably expecting this, but your first stop should be a chat with your mom. Maybe start by telling her how much her support and help means to you and then outlining your concerns. If she’s onboard, she’ll be your best advocate with this and so much more going forward.

You Won’t Be the Pediatric Dentist’s First LGBTQ+ Patient and You Won’t Be the Last

Auburn may a smaller city comparatively, but as you noted things are changing and even the schools are setting new guidelines for inclusivity. That means there are lots of kids like you and your friend and your dentist likely already has some LGBTQ+ patients.

If you decide to move forward with telling them, enlist your mom’s help. She can talk to the practice ahead of time and ask them to notate your records, so the team uses the right name and pronouns when you visit.

The other reason why it’s a good idea to bring your mom into the loop is so that she can feel out the response from the office for you ahead of time. As you noted, there is a possibility that they might not be agreeable or welcoming. If that’s the case, then you and your mom will need to discuss your next steps together. As your parent, your mom obviously gets the final say, but it sounds like you can at least have an open dialogue with her and she’s willing to hear you out. That’s a good start.

If, for some reason, things don’t go well when you talk to your mom, you may want to talk to your school guidance counselor. Oftentimes, a counselor can give you pointers on how to talk with your mom, can help get the dialogue started, or can link you up with some local resources and support.

Hang in there and best of luck to you!

 

This blog is sponsored by Raymond Bolt, a family dentist providing pediatric dental services in Auburn, AL.